iam so tiered. not physicly tiered. just, dunno. I miss so many people. My grandma, grandpa. So many things chabge since they left. For a while I was very distant. Cold, depressed beyond u could imagine. So many had been there. Iam no difrent. my 6th grade and 7th grade year sucked. Because those years were when avything traspiered. 8th grade I was a bti better. I made it a goal to be happy. To smile even when I didnt fell like it anymore...Its hard. Then I have beefs with goths for certain reasons. I dont want to go into detail. Its just stupid. I just dont know. Iam starting to forget about them, but i think of them eveything day. I want them back. But I cant remember anything...this sucks. mega...it would be so easy to fall back into depression. to just close myself up...But id miss my new life style more. and my boyfriend would hate it, possibly leave me iam sure. I dont want to go back but it would be so easy...I rememeber we were goin to the funeral home and i was in tears...the actual day we went i didnt cry, not a tear. I want her back so bad. i didnt cry...i didnt cry ever that day. my dad did. my mom did. my grandpa did. not me...not ever. I didnt see her that day either. i refused. I refused to see her. i cant rememner, I cant remember anything of her. I onyl remember her physicle features. her personality has somwhat vanished. she is just a picture in my head. I want them both back...